Winter Sonata
by erasedrainbow
Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten? Gin x Rangiku
1. prologue: that to leave and to be left b

**Title: Winter Sonata**

**Fandom: Bleach**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is Tite Kubo's. Really.**

**Pairing: Ichimaru x Matsumoto**

**Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten? **

**Rating: Teen**

**A/N: My first GinRangiku. R&R. **

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**-PROLOGUE: THAT TO LEAVE AND BE LEFT BEHIND-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

It was raining. Another rainy day without anything else but the splashing of water, the roll of thunder and the occasional lightning that lit up the cave's rims.

The cave wasn't big, but it was just enough for the two of them. Gin and Rangiku huddled together, keeping close to the back of the cave; away from the tempest's wrath. All they heard between the symphonies of the storm was a light tingling melody from the district; the annual traditional music that they heard every god damned winter.

And that was that, while they held each other close, fingers entwining with no other meaning but the purest affection. That was the closest they could get; wishing secretly that it would last forever, for it was probably the last moments, the last chances to be together.

"Rangiku-chan", Gin murmured to her, "I'm gonna' leave for Shinigami Academy in two days"

She didn't reply. Her only reaction was a slight; almost undetectable nod.

Gin stopped awhile; as if waiting for a reply. But he was met with stillness.

"Rangiku-chan?"

No answer. He turned his head to face her completely. She wasn't facing him; she seemed to be staring blankly at the rough stone walls of the cave. He sighed; he knew that she'd be like this, but he had no choice either.

He wanted to be stronger, so that one day, when they meet again as grown ups, he'll be ready to protect her. To protect her with every fiber in his body, so that he'd have the courage to face her; to take responsibility of her completely; as more than a friend.

Then, almost unheard by Gin; came a soft sniffle beside him followed by Rangiku's small, high-pitched voice.

"I don't want you to go"

_I don't want to go;_ he looked at her, his smile fading away, _I don't want to leave you._

"Don't leave me", she sobbed, her hands holding on to his torn yukata, "don't leave me alone".

Her tone seemed to beg. Her voice, her cries. It distressed him to see her cry. He swore once, that he won't let her cry again, not since the day he saved her. She was unhappy then, and he wanted to change that. Yet now she was crying again, and she was crying because of him.

Her sobs became mellifluous; he didn't say anything. Finally, her sobs stopped, and the cave became engulfed once more in the depths of tranquility.

"Hey, look, the rain stopped", he said as gentle as he could; trying to keep himself composed.

Outside the cave, the storm no longer raged. The whole winter, it had been nothing but storms; rain, thunder and lightning. Matsumoto Rangiku looked up, only to be greeted by the sight of the first snow of the year. Her lips curved to form a little smile.

He clutched her smaller hands inside his own, enveloping it in the most warmth he could give.

"You'll never be alone", his blood red eyes stared intently into hers; pointing into the distance. They could see the faint outline Seireitei from where they were sitting. "I'm jus' somewhere there"

"When will you come back?"

"I don't kn-"but he was cut off by her sudden rambling.

"Shinigami Academy releases you for winter holiday! Right? Then you could come back every year!" she continued, "Then we could be together every winter, then we'll make snow angels and snow men!!"

"So", she tightened her grip on his hands, "you'll come back in the winter right?"

Gin saw a small flicker of tears in the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill. He liberated his hands from hers and placed it on her back; pulling her closer to him, face to face. "I'll be lonelier than you, ya' know, you're all that I've got".

"Then", she hugged him back, "we'll play together in the snow"

Gin nodded, "I'll be back here then, every winter when tha' first snow falls down"

"You promise?"

The scrawny boy kissed her forehead, then murmured a soft yes.

"Gin?"

"Yeah?"

"Will it rain, when you come back?" Rangiku asked, "cause if it rains, then you'll get a cold when you get here; you'll be soaking wet and we won't be able to play in the snow anymore"

"It'll snow"

"Like today?"

"Like today"

She paused for a while, watching him as he stared outside; at the slowly falling snow. The fragile snow that threatened to break; to melt. She felt that it represented them somehow; the snowflakes that bonded together; then when the sun starts to shine; it will melt away and disappear. But Rangiku was determined to not let that happen between her and her precious best friend; and perhaps more than just that.

Rangiku stood up, followed by Gin's curious eyes. She looked down at him as his eyes ceased to open a bit. She extended a hand; offering to help him stand. He accepted and stood.

Ichimaru Gin was taller than Matsumoto Rangiku; you could see it clearly when they stood. But yet she had helped him stand, just like how he had always done to her. His eyes once more gazed at her with an inquiring expression painted.

"Let's play in the snow"

And so they walked out the cave, together; trying to enjoy their last days of togetherness. Trying to accept the upcoming loneliness. To live with the fact that they will be separated from the person they most care about.

But for now, they were just kids; playing in the snow as if tomorrow would never come.

**x.x.x a year later; winter x.x.x**

The first snow of winter was falling down, and Ichimaru Gin was walking towards Rukongai's poor district. Dressed like a Shinigami Academy student, he walked proudly through the small alleys.

Through the dead trees with no more leaves; and on to the cave. Behind the trees in front of him, he knew; by heart, that there would be a field. A small clearing that would be plain white in winter. Then, the mouth of the cave would be right in front of the small clearing.

His heart pounded wildly at the thought of seeing _his_ Rangiku again. It's been approximately a year since he left; and Gin's been missing her too much. He was lonely, lonely as ever. He thought of losing her, and it made him scared. It made him cold. He could stand the thought of losing everything; everything but her.

Gin drew back the thick sequoia branches from his view; and revealed a scene on the white field.

Rangiku was not alone. She was not sad. And she didn't seem to be waiting for him.

All this time, he felt that he was the only one feeling lonely. He was the only one waiting, he was the only who still remembered. He was hurt.

"All this time" his voice was no louder than the soft wind," ya' never needed me like ya' said ya' did, I was the one who needed ya' beside me"

She seemed so happy, even if she was without him. Gin's smile turned into a disappointed frown. "Goodbye then".

He turned around swiftly without looking back, his steps moving quickly through the forest. _Goodbye, my Rangiku._

And so they didn't meet that winter. As if they both forgotten about the promise they made. Years passed, and as they watched the first snow fall; they were as lonely as how they begun.

When he left, and when she was left behind.

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**-END PROLOGUE: THAT TO LEAVE AND BE LEFT BEHIND-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed that. I will be working on; and hopefully uploading chapter one sometime soon. This is just a flashback, whereas the chapters will be after the Soul Society Arc and during the Arrancar arc. Reviews are hoped for.

_Love, erased rainbow. _February 2007.


	2. one: that to reflect upon one's success

**Title: Winter Sonata**

**Fandom: Bleach**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is Tite Kubo's. Really.**

**Pairing: Ichimaru x Matsumoto**

**Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten? **

**Rating: Teen**

**A/N: Will alter character focus every chapter. R&R. **

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**-CHAPTER ONE: THAT TO REFLECT UPON ONE'S SUCCESS -**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

Ichimaru Gin woke up, expressionless; without the usual mocking smile on his face.

"Rangiku", he murmured softly, remembering his dream. _The promise._

He didn't see her again before she came and entered Shinigami Academy, and the last he's seen of her was before the beam of light came and took him away from her. From her hold to his life, from the warmth she emitted whenever near.

The rapping of knuckles became louder on his door. Gin stood up nonchalantly from his bed; still a bit dazed.

The door slid open as Aizen set foot on the tatami mats of Gin's room.

"Morning, Ichimaru-kun"

Gin gave a small curt nod in reply.

Aizen. The mastermind of this whole deceit ploy; the one that brought him here. Gin never really understood why he followed this man since his first days in the Shinigami Academy. He just did.

Then again, perhaps it was just plain desperation; plain loneliness and the need to be needed. That Rangiku wasn't there with him, that she didn't need him anymore. It would seem that he had been thrown away from her life; unneeded like an old ragged doll.

But he needed her; he needed her presence, to believe that someone needs him, that someone cared enough to wait on him. But all hopes seemed to be lost by now; they were miles apart, and he knew, even if they met again, things will never be the same.

He was Ichimaru Gin, one of the traitors who left Soul Society; one who wanted to destroy it. She was Matsumoto Rangiku, one who is loyal to protecting Soul Society with all she's got; one who became his enemy the moment he betrayed Soul Society.

They were different now, more different than they were back then. They were never really the same; ever, but they were just two lonely souls looking for warmth between the ruthless reality. And so they were together, and wished that they have stayed that way instead.

_But whatever it is,_ he sat down on a chair, gesturing Aizen; no, welcoming him, to sit in front of him, _it's too late to change it now._

He was twisted since the day he realized his own conscience, yet he wasn't when he was with her. He was, in a way; still as ruthless, cold-blooded and filled with blood lust. But he'd never harm her, in fact, if anyone ever did, he'd make sure they drop more than just a little amount of blood.

Yet now, he himself had helped to draw blood around her with every intention; and the slightest bit of regret. He felt complete; and incomplete at the same time. To fulfill his lust of blood, yet to lose everything from his grasps of her.

He was obliviously losing her trust; the desires of being together were still there, yet the situation had prevented them to do so. They were no longer best friends; or nothing more, they were just work mates.

He'd steal glances at her every once in a while, but the frequent greetings; they were all gone. No more hugs, no more kisses. He was somehow robbed of her affection, yet there was no one to blame.

They weren't stolen, they just stopped coming, like how he simultaneously receded their anonymous relationship. Back to where they were before they met.

"Ichimaru-kun?"

Gin snapped out of the trance, "Huh?"

Aizen was smiling. Sitting down in front of him, silently sipping a cup of tea which Gin didn't know where it came from. Gin was quite flustered; he didn't know what to say, or what he was saying.

"Gomen Aizen-dono. What'd ya' want to talk about, again?"

"Nothing really"

Gin drew a sharp breath; a bit relieved that Aizen wasn't saying anything important which he might have missed. He feared this man; he was quite entirely a simple play. A drama filled with murder and puzzles beyond completion; or even apprehension.

_Stolen. _Gin wanted to say; to believe that Aizen had stolen everything from him. Yet he knew that stolen was not the correct word for it. To steal was to take to take the property of another or others without permission or right; secretly or by force.

Then again, Gin himself had willingly let go of everything and succumbed to the rule of this man. He didn't lose anything; no one stole anything from him. _He_ abandoned everything.

Gin wanted to denounce the fact that he was following this man, this monster; the monster that had turned himself into one. He'd never even think about laying a finger with cruel intentions on Rangiku before, or anyone who they were acquainted with, on the good side. Yet now, he blithely did everything according to him. No, according to Aizen.

Gin had a look of disdain on his face. A distortion in his mind, a contortion on his face. He hated what he was doing, because he was away from Rangiku.

He would sometimes wish that he hadn't got himself into this. Yet when Aizen needed his help, he wanted to help. He wanted to be needed, he _needed _to be needed. He was quite at a loss of use when he felt that Rangiku had dispatched him. She had others to look out for her. He was quite useless, stressed as a minor. Then Aizen came and changed that, and so he followed the man.

He looked at Aizen. His expression hadn't really changed. That smile hasn't been wiped from his face, yet since the days of their facades in Soul Society, the warm smile had turned into a sinister one. A mocking one. Just as his had always been.

Yet he could never know what he himself was mocking. But as he could not understand his own, he could never really understand what Aizen was always smiling about.

"You seem happy today, Aizen-dono" he said as pleasantly as he could; with almost a flowery sort of tone to his voice. But he knew that Aizen could tell that it was another line from their scripts of lies. A mockery to any relationship.

"It's been a week"

Gin would usually ask since what. But he knew the answer. _Since they deserted Soul Society. _Since they were deemed traitors. Since he last saw Rangiku.

He mumbled a nearly incoherent yes. Then proceeded into his sets of questions.

"Aizen-dono, I was wondering, how long did it take ya' to come up with such plans?"

It was an utterly random and useless question, and he knew it.

Aizen's expression darkened for a bit, and then it returned to its normal state, "you should've asked how many decades"

Gin didn't reply.

"It was successful"

Gin did nothing but agree.

He knows. This is a different meaning of success. But for now, he didn't want to care anymore. He was tired.

"We should be ready to attack soon"

_I suppose we are. _"I suppose so"

Aizen smiled; perhaps satisfied with the answer. Aizen rose from his seat, heading towards the door. Gin followed him, sliding the door open with a slight bow.

"Good evening, Ichimaru-kun" he nodded.

"Evenin' Aizen-dono"

Gin closed the door, once again alone in his room and still as heavy-eyed as he was before.

_It has been a week, _he closed his eyes, _how time flies. _

He was somehow glad to rid the pressure of soul society from his life, yet he could not help to notice the thing he's missing. _Rangiku._

He knew the risks of leaving, to be deemed a traitor. To be searched for, to be chased. And if found, to be killed. To never see Rangiku again as friends, or to never even see her again as anything. He knew all that. Yet he didn't care, he just went along with everything.

He pictured Rangiku's expression when he said that he was sorry. The moment she let him go.

Gin did not know why he said sorry. Whether it was for leaving her now, or for many things in the past.

Perhaps it was for all the lost years away from each other, wasted like ashes.

Like ashes.

_It was successful._ He reflects upon Aizen's words.

Perhaps, the means of their mission was to gain power, and to destroy Soul Society; along with Soul Society's reins on them. To be the most powerful.

He always saw it as a reason to destroy Soul Society. The terrible memories of his childhood that was carved upon his mind, playing and playing like a horror movie in black and white. Right before he meets Rangiku.

His precious Rangiku. Her world now shattered, her trust in him.

He knew she was suspicious. He had changed a lot, perhaps, yet in many ways he was still the same. He would leave without saying goodbye.

Gin had not said goodbye, or said anything about leaving, He just left. He wonders if he was breaking Rangiku's heart, like how she broke his years ago. He supposed she was not, and he wished that she was not.

He was cold, a bit feeling less they might say. Ruthless.

Yet he has a side that they all never knew. The side that was there when he was with Rangiku. Now all those were memories, memories of the past that needed to be erased.

That should not be on his mind.

He needed to concentrate, to destroy what was once part of his life. No, what he was once a part of.

He hated being in Soul Society. It was as if he was behind bars, chained to the wall from being able to feel like he used to. He never got to be with Rangiku in casual situations anymore, it was always in formal meetings.

There were not many chances, and even less of what chances are taken. They had their own worlds inside the one world that they really shared. If they ever really shared it.

He had his own little world, shielded from all the sunshine that Soul Society tried to shine on him. The blinding light that stopped him from seeing Rangiku. Then he was still chained to the walls of the prison that he entered with his own free will, with every good intention that turned different on the end. The prison he just escaped from.

Yet like every other escaping prisoner, he brought nothing valuable with him, just weapons. And that was that.

Aizen and Tousen were not really friends for him. Yet it would seem to the world outside that they were.

Gin knew better.

They were using each other. Abusing every relation there was to it, and limiting it to _just that. _He was alone, but so were they.

In a way, they were all alone. He was always alone, yet there was that warmth starting to pour into that hole inside his life every time Rangiku was there with him. And so that half filled hole was left empty again every time she leaves.

She was that piece of the puzzle. A puzzle made out of glass. That was his life, fragile.

And the glass puzzle was already broken into many little pieces. She had many of those pieces.

Ichimaru Gin ponders on what their point was. As Aizen often says, he wanted to become powerful.

What does Soul Society have to do with all this?

He supposed their will to destroy Soul Society's veins; its root was successful. Destroy what holds it up.

Soul Society had always centered around the existence of the shinigamis, the captains and the central 46. Then with confused leaders, the people are more confused.

Gin leaned back; the back of his head touching the edge of his chair.

They had succeeded in making Soul Society gaze in awe at them. And in hatred. The blazing hatred he felt for Rangiku's friends that had replaced him.

Soul Society trusted them to be their protectors. Yet their protectors turned out to be their worst enemy yet. Now they were officially enemies of what used to be their friends. _Friends._ If that was what they really were.

He would guess that Rangiku and he were really friends before. Or even more than that. Perhaps they were only too innocent to notice the blossoming feeling that exceeds friendship, or maybe that feeling hadn't existed at all.

Perhaps it was all inside his mind.

He imagined if Rangiku saw him right now. Would she smile like when they were little?

Or would she raise her sword as an enemy, if she now hates him?

Then if she raises her sword to fight him, Gin wondered if he had the courage and the heart to fight back. To fight ruthlessly facing the risk of killing her with his very own bloody hands.

Then perhaps, seeing what he could do now, he might. Yet when she challenged to fight him, he did not fight her. He still cares.

She knew that he still cared.

Success. They had a success in ruining Soul Society. Tainted its roots, its branches and burned all the leaves to nothing.

He too, was a part of Soul Society. Was _once _a part of soul society. And he too had fallen down in flames, withered; yet a fire blazes with curiosity inside him. Another fire to fight back. Yet he cannot fight himself.

Or the temptation of power in his mind. He was manipulated.

He contradicted what he _used _to care for. Yet he still cares, deep down inside the frozen heart.

He'd kill anyone but her. He'd destroy Soul Society, but not her.

And so they have crushed Soul Society; along with the chains, but for Gin, not with the feelings that he could not left behind.

_It was successful._

Ichimaru Gin both agreed and disagreed with Aizen Sousuke's words, it was successful.

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**- END CHAPTER ONE: THAT TO REFLECT UPON ONE'S SUCCESS -**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

A/N: Whoa. And that's another chapter finished. I'm working on chapter two now. I was doing this chapter while watching the Academy Awards. I'm such an idiot. I just remembered to double space between paragraphs hee hee. I'm trying to have a target of updating every 2 weeks or so. Anyway, I hope you liked reading it. **Thanks for reading, will be even more thankful if you all give me lots and lots of reviews**!!! . Or I won't write anymore!! Kidding.

**And here are some replies to the reviews of the prologue, or at least what review there is right now.**

**Zukomyprince- **Thanks for the advice! If you check the prologue I attempted my best at giving him a little touch of the slang, but since English is my third language, I'm not very successful at it. I tried doing the same to this chapter but I'm still keeping the thoughts in proper English. Hee hee.

**Shichimaru Gin- **Thanks for adding Winter Sonata to your favorites, I really appreciated that!! I'm glad you like it and I'll try my best to update quickly!!

**3karen3- **Also another thank you for adding it to your faves list. Hee hee. I hope you find this chapter to your liking as well.

**frozenalchemy- **Thanks for reviewing!! Glad I'm poisoning you, 2 poisoned, and another 5.999.999.998 people to go!

**bleedingRose11- **was it that sad?Anyway, thanks for the review. Kayaknya kita harus bikin komik ini ya?

**Anyway, keep on reading everyone!! I'll try my best to keep the story going!! Keep the reviews coming!! Love y'all!!**

_Love, erased rainbow. _February 2007.


	3. two: that to talk of one and not underst

**Title: Winter Sonata**

**Fandom: Bleach**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is Tite Kubo's. Really.**

**Pairing: Ichimaru x Matsumoto**

**Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten? **

**Rating: Teen**

**A/N: This chapter is centered around Rangiku. Sorry about the terrible time set, cause this is before the first chapter. **

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**-CHAPTER TWO: THAT TO TALK OF ONE AND NOT UNDERSTAND-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

Matsumoto Rangiku had another hangover, and it was not her first after Gin left.

After Gin left, she and Kira had drunken themselves silly, to an extremely tipsy state.

She would often remember what they talked about. It was always about Gin. One common thing that they lost and they valued. The biggest difference was that he respected Gin, and she _loved _Gin.

"_He was a great guy"_

Rangiku agreed, no matter how drunk they both were at that time. Gin was a great guy. _Was._ Past tense, he no longer is.

They felt that they were just being used the whole time. Her despair drove her to trust him; and now he had left her in a deeper despair than she had begun with.

_Damn him._

Rangiku felt like she wanted to kill him; yet she does not know if she could. If she could defeat him; and if she could actually raise a sword against him. Him; her former best friend, or perhaps even lover.

If she did kill him when she sees him, she knows she'd lose him forever. But what difference does it make? She's lost him anyway. And if he comes back, he'll be killed.

So what difference would it make?

_Impossible. _It's impossible that he would just waltz into Soul Society and not be harmed in any way. Not after what he'd done. Even if he was to beg and plead on his knees, they'd throw him in jail. _And kill him._

What he'd done. She wanted to believe that it was not him, but Aizen. That he was magically put under Aizen's control. She knew that he realized what he was doing, but she didn't want to believe it. He was now another enemy; an enemy that was dangerous. An enemy that had to be killed at sight; or die trying.

She would sometimes think it'd be better if he won; that she'd rather have everyone die than him dead. Matsumoto Rangiku thought it was unfair; everyone else could simply hate him because he is the enemy. But she could never hate him; she was torn between these two feelings. One she was obliged to have and the other one opposed to it.

Who could kill the person that they love?

But the rest of Soul Society did not love him as she did, and so if he came back; she would be the only one not tearing him apart. She'd be hiding, closing her eyes as she knew he would lose alone. She did not want to see him die, ever.

If he returned to Soul Society, he'd be dead. Gin was better off away, far far away and alive; rather than here and risking certain death.

She knew very well that it'd end up like that. Yet she wanted to see him; for him to come back. The other part of her heart screamed at her to let him be; knowing he was alive but far was better than him being near but dead.

For Izuru Kira, it was obvious that Ichimaru Gin was his idol; as his captain. He was willing to protect him at all cost; even almost becoming a monster for him. Kira raised his swords against her, against Hinamori. He fought against his own friends with every intention to kill them, just for a captain who never recognized him as a friend. Just a subordinate. Just a subordinate.

It wasn't like Kira to do that. He used to be free and careless; just like her. They'd play together, fight together, but never against each other. At least not in a serious battle.

_Everyone's changed. _Kira had said those exact words. He too had changed; and perhaps she had changed too. A little bit of her was taken away; a small glint was lost from her eyes when Gin left her.

But Matsumoto Rangiku thinks that Gin had changed the most, but now she had wondered if she knew him enough to say he had changed and was not like this from the start.

The sake loosely gripped in their hands made no difference to their conversation last night; their words were still as true as they would be if they were sober, except this was a little more honest.

All the words that came from her heart were blends of hatred and love. She hated him; or the fact that she loved him. He was an enemy, a person she should be willing to fight whole heartedly for the safety of everyone else she cared for. Yet in her heart; there was no space enough to fight him.

When she challenged to fight him that day to save Hinamori she wasn't sure. She was determined; but that was because she knew he would not fight back. Yet if he had accepted the challenge and fought her instead, she did not know if she'd be strong enough to fight back. She knew she was not physically strong enough to win; but her heart refused to fight him.

At fights like that, losing would mean death. It was a matter of life and death.

Rangiku cared for her Taichou a lot; he was like a little brother who was way more mature than her and easy to annoy. She liked him a lot, as a friend. So she promised herself not to let this one friend go; that she will help him at all costs.

If Rangiku had been given a choice, she'd probably kill herself than give them an answer.

Hitsugaya-taichou didn't really care. It was only that one time when he caught her staring at his picture as it burned in the fireplace that he ever asked her about him. Toshirou Hitsugaya had asked her if she cared about Gin that much.

She did not hesitate to say no, but Hitsugaya stared at her for a moment; as if unbelieving. Then he left.

Rangiku knew that her Taichou knows her better than that and that he knew she was lying. But she just wanted to lie; she did not want to betray her friends by being concerned of the well-being of her enemy; or more. It didn't matter if they believed her or not, but she'd still say the same answer.

After all, he was no longer a part of her life. He was no longer there for her; unlike her friends. Yet the space he had occupied in her heart during the times when he was still there had not been vacated. For Matsumoto Rangiku, Ichimaru Gin was simply still there.

Izuru Kira also had a hard time accepting the fact that his much-adored Taichou was a traitor. _A traitor. _A traitor who had betrayed him and the rest of Soul Society.

He had them all deceived.

It was as if deceiving was his natural ability. Everyone thought he had something against Aizen, yet it turned out that they were allies; allies that had been involved for a long time. Aizen Sousuke had illusions on his side to help him, but Gin had nothing. He was in a way invisible, no one really knew him. Not even Kira.

And even in that situation, Kira would defend him until his last breath.

He had said so himself during their talks at night when they were drunk. The one night they let go of all their responsible acts and just be free and wild together. Just like when they were younger, except so much had changed. The same person had struck them down.

They knew him as the cold, unfeeling yet always smiling Taichou of the third division. The mocking smile that had made others depicted him as a fox; personality and all. But they knew him better than most people did, at least; a little more.

Matsumoto once thought that she knew him well. Now she realized, she knew him, but she did not understand him; no matter how long they've been together. He was indescribable mentally; he still would not open up.

When they were younger; much younger, Ichimaru Gin had been far more open than he is now. But even if she had known and understood him more then, she could tell that most of him had changed.

_People changed. _For the first time, Rangiku noticed how much the people around her had changed.

Even Hitsugaya had changed. He had always been more mature than her despite his age and appearance. But the whole ordeal seemed to have made him stronger; the flames of hope that burned strongly in his eyes sparked more. Even Rangiku could see he wanted to be stronger; for Hinamori.

The Ryoka boy had become much stronger and had become less reckless. Byakuya became less cold. Renji had become less hot-headed.

She was less cheerful.

Matsumoto Rangiku would be still talkative, but the smile would disappear more often from her face. Her pouts were more of a serious frown. She didn't think that his leaving would affect her so much.

Perhaps it was because she's never been deserted by anyone before; well, he had left her once before, but they met again. Now, he was an enemy. It would be almost impossible to meet him and just talk to him as they used to do.

Kira and she had often talked profoundly about Gin, but they never mentioned any negatives about him. They never did, and she thought that they never would. They both insisted on believing that it was all Aizen's fault.

They did not want to believe that the person that they looked up to was a criminal; a traitor to all of them. They didn't want to believe that they too had been tricked to believe his trickery. Both of them could be called as the people that seemed to be closest to Gin, but they too did not understand him.

No one did.

_He was a great guy._ Rangiku pondered whether she really agreed on Kira's statement. Gin had saved her life, but he had also ruined it.

_Ruined. _Total destruction or disintegration. He never really did anything except broke her trust of him. He destroyed the relationship they've had over the years; no matter how much it had declined.

Gin had broken her heart.

She would remember how people had suspected her of having a romantic relationship with him. She would always deny it. People would say that she was close to him, that she was _dating _him.

They said that if anyone wants to find out anything about Gin, they should ask her.

But it wasn't true. She knew him; but she didn't understand him.

Kira knew him too. But he didn't understand him either. It was as if he had a world of his own behind the smiles.

_Your eyes are the windows to your soul. _Yet she could not peer into that soul to see what he was like. He would close his eyes and put up a smile as if everything was well. No one really knew what was behind those eyes.

Izuru Kira seemed to be shocked of his captain's betrayal. Rangiku never thought that Kira was that gullible, yet everyone seemed to be puppets in this whole ploy. Mere _living _puppets.

She remembered how Kira and she had argued whether he was good from the start. From the extent of Aizen's plan, they could easily figure that they've been plotting it for a long time, but of the times before he met Aizen.

They didn't know; nor could they tell why he joined in Aizen's lot. Aizen wanted power; they could tell, but what was in it for Gin? He'd still be just Aizen's _minion_. Just like Kira was his minion.

She wondered what they were to Gin. Just people, who would perhaps talk about him, are close to him. People who knew him, but not understand him.

They thought he was a great guy; but perhaps he was. A long time ago.

People changed. _He was a great guy._ But he was no longer a great guy to Soul Society. He was still the love of her life; he was still great to her knowledge. Bu to everyone else's understandings, he was nothing.

Nothing but a traitor they must destroy. A disturbance.

They would talk about him often, like she and Kira often did. But they didn't understand him either. None of them did. But it didn't really matter to Matsumoto Rangiku.

She'll always talk about him; just to remember him. Just to remember the good times that they used to share, just to remember how great of a guy he used to be. _Used to be._

"Matsumoto-kun" Kira appeared at the door, "can I talk with you?"

She smiled and ushered him in. They'll still talk about him, even if they know they'll never understand him. At least not completely.

And once again; they'd talk about the one they didn't understand.

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**- END CHAPTER TWO: THAT TO TALK OF ONE AND NOT UNDERSTAND-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

A/N: I don't think this is as good as the first chapter; but I've been busy recently and I'm dying to fulfill my 2 weeks per update promise and it has been exactly 2 weeks since my last update. Thank to everyone for reviewing and adding stories to your favorites. I love you guys. Thanks for reading this. **REVIEW PEOPLE!! **I hope you liked it. I guess it was kind of confusing; I mean this chapter is kind of repetitive. It's shorter than the other one.

**And here are some replies to the reviews I have that weren't replied last chapter. **

**bleedingRose11- **Ya jahat lah; kan antagonist. Dasar.

**frozenalchemy- **Yay!! Thank you!! Your story is awesome!! XD

**BeatleBomb- **Thanks for reviewing my other story!! I loved your story too!! I hope you like this one too 

**Shichimaru Gin- **I'm really glad you liked it!! I don't think this chapter is as good as the other one but I hope you'll like it!! I write to please the readers; or die trying.

**passer-by- **I'm going to alter the POVs every chapter. I appreciate you asking XD Pass by more often and drop some reviews while you're at it. Heh heh.

**ChocoMilk- **Thanks for adding it to your favorites! I hope you continue to read and like this story.

Also another thanks to **Crazy Bubbling Blonde** for adding this to your story alert list, and more thanks to **goddess of wind 44 **and **rosemec **for adding this to your favorites too.

_Love, erased rainbow 2007._


	4. three: that to lose and win

Title: Winter Sonata

**Title: Winter Sonata**

**Fandom: Bleach**

**Disclaimer: Bleach is Tite Kubo's. Really.**

**Pairing: Ichimaru x Matsumoto**

**Summary: He promised to come back to her in winter. But will he fulfill the promise that even she had forgotten? **

**Rating: Teen**

**A/N: This chapter is centered around Gin. Sorry about last chapter; I hope this one will be better. R&R!**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**CHAPTER THREE: THAT TO LOSE AND WIN SIMULTANEOUSLY-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

"_Ikorose" _

Paces of adrenalin that flew around the air hung with tension in this room. The walls were painted white; simple, clean yet now splattered with the invisible bloodlust. The sound of footsteps rang through its hall; but no screams, no shouts.

Ichimaru Gin and Arroniro Arleri sparred in a shield of silence, with a few soft words almost whispered out and unread emotions.

The swords clashed for a split second, sending them apart.

"Ain't cha' gonna release Nejibana?"

The masked espada said nothing, looking at the former shinigami captain. Arroniro raised his sword; pointing it at Gin. "Shall we?"

He stood there, looking at his opponent. _Opponent. _An opponent within allies.

Like how he stood now with Soul Society. His _friends _are now his enemies, or to be more exact, he is now their enemy. He must fight against them, and he must win.

A sparring match that he had to win. Gin never really understood the meaning of victory. He didn't lose often; but yet when he lost, there was always Rangiku to support him during his weak days.

Now, she wasn't there, and she'll never be there anymore.

-_Flashback- _

_The young Ichimaru Gin fell on the dirt with no smile on his face. He had lost a match, and like his broken wooden sword, he fell helpless to the ground. _

"_Gin! Are you okay?"_

_He could hear Rangiku's voice ringing through his ears softly as she shook him. It was blurry, and as the other figures turned to leave, she stayed beside him; never averting her eyes. He could feel soft small hands touching his cheeks._

_Gin lost the match. He lost._

_-End Flashback-_

Soft streaks of sounds whizzed through the air as both Gin and Arroniro evaded each other's moves. He kept his smile intact; never showing a hint of exasperation. The blades stopped and hung in the air; right beside their necks.

Gin drew back his sword from Arroniro's neck; slicing his skin with a thin line. Arroniro did so simultaneously. They bowed; and went in different directions; each with driblets of blood on their neck.

They never finished the sparring match. But they didn't care.

Such exhibition of a fight would be on impulse; and they dared not to ruin this expectation made of them. They were cold blooded murderers; that are what they were raised as and that's what they've been told to stay as.

It bothered him sometimes; yet he had no control over it. He could have won; he knew he could have won. But he could do nothing but scream silently in exasperation. Aizen would not have him prove himself.

As if he was a _loser._

He remembered the days when he was one. He lost the sparring matches with wooden swords.

But Gin grew up to be a captain; he proved to those who underestimated him in the end. He grew strong.

He did it for a reason.

-_Flashback- _

"_Hey little girl"; a few men standing in the shades of the alley laughed._

_Rangiku stepped back in fear as they advanced towards her. She stumbled and lost her balance, "Gin!! Help!!"_

"_Get away from her!"_

_Gin stood in front of her as she scrambled up to stand. He was determined to protect her; she was the only other thing that mattered in his world._

_She was his one and only._

_-End flashback-_

Bloodlust was nothing to him then. He fought, he practiced to protect her. So that he could be a proper shinigami later on and fight for her.

Then, he would not fail her.

Yet when he looked at how strong he had grown to be, he realized the bloodlust that came with it overpowered his will to protect; his previous reasons. He fought for victory; not for her.

He realized that now; when he could have easily protected her, he failed her. Rangiku was not harmed in any physical way; but he knew he had stabbed her heart by his betrayal.

Gin wanted to prove to her that he had become strong. But he knew it didn't really matter, she would still be there even if he lost. And now that he had won his fight, she was not there. He had thrown her role in his life away for mere victory, for the thirst of blood and for power. The power he had never known before.

He will prove to all those that won over him.

Such determination will only be frowned upon by a weak heart. Rangiku still had victory over his heart. His mind was set free upon the battles unleashed fore him, yet it made him forget, that one had reasons to fight.

He fought to get stronger so he could protect her, yet now what he wanted to protect he had harmed.

Ichimaru Gin still refused to admit the fact that he had lost. The conquest that rambled upon his dreaming had abandoned his solitary state. He will not admit he cared either, even if he had to deny what he was before.

Gin stopped in front of the mirror, slowly glancing at his own reflection. He could not frown upon himself; he had not really changed. But he knew a mirror was incapable in reflecting the waves that crashed beneath.

He remembered the little girl that grew into the same person; with the same determination and aspiration. She grew stronger, like he did; but she did not lose all of herself in the harsh tremors of battle. She accepted the condition she must fight in, she accepted the reasons she fought for.

When he was with her, he felt he had what he wanted. When he had the power, he felt that he had everything, but without her, he didn't have what all the everything was for. He lost purpose.

He lost his battle over himself, his conscience, his greed, yet his greed did not want to let her go either.

But all the same, he won, and she witnessed. But his win meant her loss, and watching that expression that seemed to vacant her eyes made him felt as if he had lost. True, true it was what he longed for; he wanted to be more than ordinary.

Gin wondered if he regrets his actions, because although he had won, and finally proven to her that he was no longer a weak little boy, she had lost. Rangiku witnessed his win, against her.

Against everything they swore to protect.

Her eyes seemed to scream at his face. If only she was here, Gin wondered what she'd do, if she'd scold him like they were still friends, or if she's simply draw her sword with every intention to murder him.

Her loss meant his loss. She was once his life, and he knew that she was still there, reigning most of his memories.

But not his actions.

Gin convinced himself that this decision was done with a strong will, a strong determination and mind. Yet he felt that his conscience was strangling him, slowly pinning him down in the thick blood he'd spilled.

He laid down on the sofa, looking up to the ceiling. He wanted to see her, he desperately wanted to see her. Just to tell her that he won.

But he knew it was useless. He wanted to protect her, that's what told him to be strong. Then he wanted to prove himself, and that made him stronger. But at that, he's sold his soul, his warmth, if he's ever had any.

Sure he's never been much of a party, but the feelings he had for Rangiku will never be replaced. Overcome, maybe, but it was never lost.

And amidst this glorious feeling flooding his heart, he had qualms, fears that he was wrong. He knows he is, but he only wanted to be a winner.

Even if she lost.

Nevertheless, he thought, winners can protect the losers.

Not if he was meant to destroy the loser.

So he had finally won his battles, but he lost her. As for her, she lost both her battles. They were at the same side, yet at the same time against each other, they were fighting different battles, and yet he wanted to hold her hand.

The loser and the winner.

And Gin was both.

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

**CHAPTER THREE: THAT TO LOSE AND WIN SIMULTANEOUSLY-**

**x.x.xXx.x.x**

A/N: I know, you guys deserve to kill me and scrape my scalp off the top of my head.I'm a year late in updating. Oh my. I've been really busy, and this chapter is kind of crap, because I can't remember where I saved the original one. Sorry guys

And sorry to keep you waiting. I still love you guys =D

**Crazy Bubbling Blonde- **I'm sorry for the wait, and thanks for the review, I'm glad you liked it.

**Shichimaru Gin**- I deserve to be strangled, this chapter isn't that good either. Oh god. I'm sorry dear, but thanks for liking the story. I really do appreciate it.

**BleedingRose11- **iya. My bad. I finally updated!! Don't kill me, you know I was busy.. right?

**Chocomilk**- I feel a terrible guilt swarming my conscience. I imagine you checking back a hundred times now.. I'm so sorry dear, and I really love you for putting that much time into checking if I updated. It makes me feel special. Thanks for being an awesome reader

**Frozenalchemy- **aduh pik, gw akhirnya update. Gw ngebayangin lo disana ketawa2.. hahaha selamat menikmati liburanmu.

**Ulatbulu- **Yayy!! Ketemu orang indo juga XD hehe iyaa. Sorry ya lama bgt updatenya, I'm glad you liked the story =D keep reading, I hope I'm not too disappointing. Biasa, gw kebiasaan ngaret hehe.

**SiLvEr ChRySaNtHeMuM- **I am flattered that you favor my story, I know that my um.. updating habits are truly disappointing, but I hope it hasn't stopped you from reading my story.

**Angel of the Glittered Sky- **Thank you dear, I'm glad you like the story. I'd rather call it a tad bit depressing than cute, but I appreciate it.

**D-chi- **Yes this will be and has been updated! After a year.. kill me dear. Yes Gin's head is complicated.. or to be exact my head is complicated.

**kwaiiChan-chan- **Thank you for liking this story, I appreciate it =D

and thanks to **thetemptedangel **for putting this story to favorites and the ones who put this story on alert, I appreciate it. Let's all pray my next update will be much much faster –runs away-.

_Love, erased rainbow 2008._


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